Are you at the end of your pregnancy and at the end of your rope? Never mind the fact that your body has been taken over by a little human, but there’s also the fact that your home, working life and potentially your marriage is being turned upside down.
When we’re right around 8 or 9 months pregnant, it seems that our senses are heightened. Things that never bothered us before annoy the living daylights out of us. Even those lucky ladies who experience dream pregnancies are eventually tired of carrying the extra weight around.
Yes, it’s right around this time when our husbands may start acting a little weird. Perfect timing right? Have you noticed your husband has started to go out a little more than normal? Perhaps he’s working more than he normally does, or maybe he’s at the gym an extra couple of days a week.
In my case, my husband seemed to revert back to his teenage years. During my last month of pregnancy, I barely saw him. We were both working as much as we could, as I was planning on taking 4 months off work. But after work, there was always a game of golf, or some bros gathering that he ‘had’ to be a part of.
I won’t lie - it added a lot of strain to what was already a stressful point in our life. I couldn’t put my finger on what the problem was at the time, but now (7 years later), we could have a rational talk about why he was in the midst of what is commonly termed ‘Peter Pan syndrome’
So what was going on with him?
In a nutshell, he was scared. Nervous about lots of things, like change, and screaming babies and our perfect little world as we knew it being turned upside down.
We all know that men don’t talk about things the same way that women do. Instead, they start acting out. Kinda like kids. Just bigger.
Here are the things that were on my husbands mind back then and after reading them, maybe you’ll understand why your partner-on-crime is acting like he’s lost his marbles.
#1 Will The Baby Be Healthy?
This is probably the biggest concern for both parents, but in spite of our baby getting glowing reports of health in every ultrasound, my baby daddy was worried that our child would have a major health problem.
It just goes to show that even though they pretend that nothing bothers them, fathers of newborns get just as stressed out as we do.
#2 Will The Baby Look OK?
You would think that only Moms would be concerned about the outward appearance of their baby, but in our family, my husband worried that our baby wouldn’t be outwardly perfect.
He shared that when the baby was coming out looking a bit like a cone-head, he was more than a little worried. Perhaps it’s a good idea to reassure your husband now, before baby comes out of that birth canal, that they are going to look a little road-wrecked!
#3 Can We Afford This Baby?
We are a two-income family and the thought that I wouldn’t be bringing home half the bacon for 4-6 months was a major stressor.
Unbeknownst to me, my husband worried about how our dynamic would change financially. If your husband hasn’t brought this up to you, try to set aside some time for a walk together and ask him if he feels like you guys are prepared. It’s best to get the truth out of him before baby comes to prevent WW3 blowing up in front of your newborn baby.
#4 Will Life As I know It Be Over?
I think women become mothers the day we get pregnant. Things instantly change for us and our world becomes all about the baby. We have to adjust our diet, our habits and our lifestyle, and we do so willingly knowing that the end result will be so worth it.
Not much changes on your baby daddy’s side. Well, maybe he’s not getting quite as much attention in the bedroom during the first trimester, as you get through your morning sickness.
Right around that last visit to the Doctor, things start getting a bit real. Birthing plans, the purchase of a whole lot of baby ‘stuff’ and talk of mucus plugs are enough to make any man break a sweat.
What about my nights out with the boys? What about my all day long golfing marathons? Yep - it’s time to negotiate and discuss between you how you both see this playing out.
#5 Will My Life Be All About ‘Responsibility’?
Before anyone has babies, the reality is that we really only have to think about ourselves. Even when we are married, or in a committed relationship, it’s pretty typical to take care of our own needs.
It’s an altogether weird transition when a baby is placed in your arms and you realize that you and your partner are responsible for this little being for the next 18 years of his or her life.
For many husbands, this can seem like an adventure. For others, it feels frightening. Encouraging your husband to have a chat with a friend who already has a baby, or with his father to talk about what life will be life after baby arrives may be a great way to soothe those feelings of impending doom.
#6 Will My Relationship With My Wife Change?
Your husband has just witnessed your body morph into a fully-pregnant being. And it’s quite possible that your hormones have been causing you to be a tad more sensitive than normal.
Do you think, then, that it’s plausible that he may be a little nervous about how the dust will settle once 2 becomes 3? If there have been a few more fights than normal, or you feel plain disconnected from one another, try to arrange a baby moon before baby comes.
Get away together and have some alone time. Even if that looks like you and hubs tucked up in a hotel room for 2 days watching movies and cuddling. Stock up on some loving moments because it will be those memories you will recall when things get hectic or stressful.
#7 Is My Mother Going To Be An Issue?
Mother-In-Law involvement may go into overdrive when there’s a baby on the way. It seems like there’s extra leeway with Mother of the Mom. After all, you’re used to having her around, especially during the tough times, right?
But what if you don’t want your mother-in-law in the birthing room? Or you want some alone time with hubby after the baby arrives? All these little details need to be discussed and agreed upon well before baby arrives.
Once you’re a Mother, it’s hard not to go into Mommy mode, irrespective of whose baby is around. Try to give your husband a little slack as he learns how to manage his Mom and get her to take a back seat.
And so here’s to you Moms that are pulling their hair out with their husbands acting out. Don't forget that you have a responsibility to him and your relationship to ensure his mental and emotional needs are being met in addition to your own.